A Diary of Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation
by justlillie
Summary: The title says it all, really. Azula's sociopathic perspective on life, a perspective with little emotion, no feelings of guilt, and an utter inability to love. R&R please! First fanfic, so if you hate it, sorry. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1: Bored

I am beginning a diary to keep track of events. On second thought, there are very few here in the palace. So perhaps this will be of ideas.

I'm beginning to feel like Mai, really. Staying in the palace is just so utterly boring. There's no one around except boring no-ones invited for this or that. Zuko is gone, much to my disappointment. He wears his emotions plainly on his face- you can see everything he feels in his eyes. It is truly spectacular and hilarious. Uncle has gone with him, and thank goodness for that- he never truly reacted to anything I did, much to my general annoyance. He is not at all like my brother. He takes nothing seriously, and all he truly cares about is tea. My main use for him was playing pai-sho, which I am rather good at. Although he never cared when he lost. So it is a bit of a relief to have him gone. As for my mother, whom I suspect is dead, and is more than likely never to come back anyway, she only made my taunting of Zuko more difficult. She never loved me truly, as I never really cared much for her. I only wonder if she left, or died, because of my father- If I am correct, he did not love her truly, but rather had a bit of an obsession with her.

My true cause of loneliness, however, is my father becoming Fire Lord. He is one who thinks most like me, to be frank. He deals in a cool, calm, but utterly frightening manner- something I aspire to. It gives one a thrill to watch him. Just by looking into the eyes of those he is talking to I can see how nervous they are.

Soon after my father assumed the throne (thank Agni it wasn't Uncle!) I abandoned my tutoring at the palace and was sent to the Fire Nation Academy for Girls. Mother had disappeared by then. My roommates were absolutely terrible- one cold stare and you'd think they'd be out cold. However, I did manage to find Ty Lee and Mai, who seemed the only two in the institution not trying to grovel at my feet. I quickly had them replace my roommates- after all, who would be enough of an idiot to refuse a Fire Princess's request? I know Mai and Ty Lee admire me, of course, but they don't act like idiots. On second thought, they do much of the time.

Mai's utterly depressed attitude and Ty Lee's infinite and often annoying perkiness combined with my icily controlled attitude made for a powerful, though oddly matched, team. I had them stay at my home over the summers, when of course all Fire Nation students don't have to attend school, which made it less boring in the palace, though Zuko was still there. Mai's obvious attraction to him made life very interesting indeed when I manipulated the circumstances. Hilarious, really.

However, now that our education at the Academy is over, Mai has moved to the Earth Kingdom city of Omashu, which we recently conquered, because her father was appointed governor due to my quick intervention. I saved the idiot's title and his favor with my father. Only because of Mai, of course. She probably wouldn't be accepted in the palace if her father was denounced. Unfortunately, she is now much too far out of reach for my liking. Ty Lee has achieved her dream of joining a traveling circus- she is a skilled acrobat, I will admit, but really- someone of her parentage, wasting an Academy education on that? She always was rather silly.

Now, however, I am alone. My two close Academy friends are out of even my reach, and Zuko, my favorite little toy to manipulate, is gone. My father is busy with meetings all day, and though an audience with me is rarely denied, his schedule is difficult to find space in. I will close now- it has been a rather long day of boredom and I am rather ashamed of pouring my pathetic complaints into this little book.


	2. Chapter 2: Lightningbending

I have returned from my firebending lessons, although lightningbending might be more appropriate. I long ago abandoned fire for lightning. Fire is controlled by emotion. Pain, anger, and rage. But I have learned to be in control of my emotions. Show no emotions to others, but watch all of their emotions that lie so plainly on their faces. It is a necessary tactic in order to maintain fear, the only power on which one can truly have loyalty. And so I have found lightning more appropriate. It is also an element of fire that few people can control, and therefore displays my firebending prowess.

I have always been a skilled firebender, surpassing my brother at an early age. He lets his emotions run away with him, which lowers his ability to firebend well. I will not lie, he is skilled at the craft, but he is not disciplined enough. His uncontrolled fear ultimately led to his scarring in the Agni Kai with Father, although on second thought, he didn't stand a chance in the first place. But that's for another day, I suppose. I began to bend lightning soon after Zuko and Uncle's departure. It began with my father- I occasionally would see him firebending in the royal practice buildings when I came to and left my lessons. When I was twelve I saw him bending the blue fire. It was as if the electricity from his lightning had sparked inside of me, and after that I was determined to start it as well.

I received a letter from Mai today. We have been exchanging letters for a while. Both hers and mine are largely about our boredom. Perhaps I will schedule a visit. Mai has a little brother, Tom Tom, who apparently has now spoken his first words, the most exiting news from Omashu for weeks. It really shows just how boring it is there. Mai does pretend to complain about him, but I can tell she really cares about him. It is so funny- as if she knows the one year old child well! Really… how can you care so much about someone you can't even talk to? From Ty Lee there are very few letters. She has no permanent address, so I am rarely able to write to her, although she can write to me occasionally.

On another note, I have been invited to a meeting with my father the Fire Lord, Commander Zhao, and some other generals. No, Zhao was appointed Admiral recently, I remember now- It was a good ceremony, though lengthy. Admiral Zhao is an honorable man, who is not quite as boring as the others who come to visit, but he is rather full of himself. Father likes to include me in these strategic meetings, and I am sure he does because he means for me to become Fire Lady- after all, he really intended to banish Zuko for as long as possible- he didn't know the Avatar actually had returned at the time. Or perhaps he did not return until after the journey. One cannot know for sure.

Anyway, the meeting is later today, and I will close for today because I intend to get a meal from the dining room- I am absolutely starving for some reason.


	3. Chapter 3: A Plan of Attack

The meeting last night was very interesting, especially in comparison to the ones I usually attend.

Admiral Zhao proposed the idea to invade the water tribe city at the North Pole, a risky move, even for us. As a Lieutenant in the army he discovered documents in some sort of secret library in the Earth Kingdom desert, where he found that the spirits of the moon and ocean, which the water tribes worship, are in fact mortal and therefore have bodies in our world which can be killed, destroying the power that they have- such as their strengthening effect on waterbending. Or, perhaps they enable waterbenders to bend in the first place. Anyway, he has discovered in his following of the Avatar that two members of the Water Tribe are traveling with him. It is funny, really, how just when Zuko's mission has a point, just when he discovers that the Avatar really does exist, someone more experienced like Zhao intends to find him instead! And he'll probably succeed.

Back to the point, though, Zhao has guessed that because of the water tribesmen traveling with the Avatar, and the fact that the group is continually heading north, that they plan to go to the North Pole, where presumably some of their most powerful allies are positioned. The Avatar is also likely to find a Waterbending teacher there, because he must learn the elements in the order of the Avatar Cycle (who knew that the Avatar Lore course at the Academy would be this useful?). He will kill the two spirits, which reside at the city in the North Pole. That clears the way for an easy massacre of the Water tribe.

Admiral Zhao has begun the voyage back to his normal ship today, where his crew has been chasing the Avatar in his absence. I could tell that he was annoyed to have to come here at all, but it is absolutely necessary in an invasion in this magnitude that the plan must be discussed with the Fire Lord himself. After all, Zhao might need _just a few_ ships for his invasion.


	4. Chapter 4: Blue fire and Elephant Koi

I was in my firebending lessons when it hit me like an elephant-koi. I am still required to practice with fire, though I prefer to use lightning. I do realize that fire is much more practical than lightning, but my mind wandered back to this diary- A few entries ago I used "blue fire" to describe lightning, but what if one could truly make blue fire? Fire that was more like lightning, and lightning that was more like fire. When making lightning, one has a different mindset- one cooler, and more precise and deadly. It is, in a way, the opposite of what fuels fire- rage, passion, and emotion. I began to try to fuse these mindsets together- a cool rage, precise and lethal, fueled by passion but only to a point. At first, I failed, but I am not one to give up easily. I tried again- different mindsets, a different way of thinking. My red fire began to show blue at its source, but it remained orange at the edges. Finally, I made it- cool, blue fire, the shade of lightning, hotter than can be imagined. My instructors, Lo and Li, were rather shocked- they had been entirely perplexed by my unexplained orders to let me experiment with my element. At last, though, I had achieved my goal- I always do, don't I?

I expect a summons to my father's throne room tomorrow- he will be eager to see my achievement. He did grant Admiral Zhao five hundred ships for his siege of the North, and Zhao will present his plan for the siege to his generals when he returns to his small fleet. After he does that, the five hundred ships will depart for the northern Water Tribe city.

I have written a letter to Mai, as follows:

_Dearest Mai,_

_Our boring lives continue! The only remotely interesting news around this hellhole is that Admiral Zhao intends to attack the Water Tribe city at the North Pole. It does not concern me directly, but it will be a glorious victory for our nation. Two of the nations will be eliminated, though there may be a small remnant of the southern Water Tribe at the South Pole. That is much more easily taken care of, though._

_How are things in Omashu? (What a horrendous Earth Kingdom name! Perhaps we shall have to think of a new one!). I am sure that even Tom-Tom's daily life is more exiting than mine. I think that perhaps I will have to schedule a visit to your city in order to "check up on conditions" or some other extremely useful job. It would be good to get away from this stuffy prison, even if it's rather chilly in the Earth Kingdom._

_I'm afraid I must go now, as someone is knocking at my chamber door. I will write soon._

_Her Royal Highness Azula of the Fire Nation_

I'll admit, there was no one at my door, but writing to people is such a pain, especially since you have to be so overly pleasant. I am rather bored of all this writing. Perhaps I will go to the royal practice grounds to work on my blue fire.


	5. Chapter 5: Refurbishment

**A/N: Sorry about the lack of dates! I'm assuming that the Avatar world doesn't go by the same calendar as we do, and I'm too lazy to do any type of calendar, so, sorry, that's my laziness for you. Just so you all know, the diary entries vary a lot between times, from a day to a week at the most. At the moment, the story is taking place around episodes 16 and 17 of season 1, "The Deserter" and "The Northern Air Temple". Oh, and I realized that Omashu wasn't renamed New Ozai until "Return to Omashu", so I'm fixing that in chapters 1 and 2, as well as a few other timing issues. If I have any other inconsistencies with the series, please let me know in a review! Well, on to the story now… and yes, I know it's short. Next chapter's a lot longer though.**

Apparently my ship is being refurbished without my prior knowledge. I had been going through the necessary preparations for the visit to Mai that I am planning in order to find any necessary changes and report them to my father when I propose my trip to him at dinner. I rescheduled my firebending lessons and visited my royal Fire Navy transport, only to find that it is being redecorated, repaired, and otherwise brought into a better condition (though it was a decent ship to begin with). I am guessing, no, I'm really completely sure, that my father has ordered this to be done, but why? He doesn't do these sort of things for his health, you know. But he does do them for his benefits. I will not find out his motive at the banquet tonight, I do know that. I shall simply have to play dumb (though he and I will both know it is an act) and find out by my own means.

On another note, the 500 ships have set sail for the northern Water Tribe. Much of the Fire Navy is gone from the capital, but my ship's crew has stayed, and not because of my request. Hopefully I will find out something at dinner.


	6. Chapter 6: At Least Knock

I've finally perfected my routine to perform at the New Year's festival tonight. I hate performing, really, but apparantly it's my royal duty, and it's also a good chance to show my blue fire to the adoring masses. The routine mixes traditional fire with blue fire and lightning. It is very impressive, at least according to my handmaidens (as if they'd say otherwise), and it will display my prodigal skill at firebending. It's more than a little frightening, too.

Before the festival there will be a large and annoying feast in which I must display my royal hospitality and greet everyone at the party. So, for an hour and a half, I will exchange in pleasantries with just about every official in the capital in my mother's stead. I would almost rather be Zuko, doomed to hunt the Avatar forever, than have to satisfy these peasants' need for conversation. But not quite.

Before that, I have to lead a tea ceremony with the councilors' wives, where I must recite a traditional fifteen verse poem from memory. About tea. Before that, I am required to attend a luncheon with the governors of the Fire Nation, and before that, I have more fittings for my five outfits to wear throughout the day and night. One for the luncheon, one for tea, one for dinner, one for my performance, and one for the rest of the festival. Agni, it's going to be a long day.

My handmaiden has just barged in (without knocking, again! I must get her replaced…) and handed me a letter from Mai. It's about time: you'd think I was using commoner-speed mail with this kind of service! But, here it is, off-white scroll stamped "TOP SPEED- ROYAL DELIVERY MAIL". I suppose I'll copy it in here if it isn't too long.

_Dear Princess Azula,_

_I'm so looking forward to your visit! Thank Agni- I've been daydreaming about the Earthbenders rebelling and killing us all with gigantic boulders. It would save me from this misery. I've told you before, but I'll say it again anyway: this city is the most boring place on earth! It's so cut off from the Fire Nation. I practically rejoice when some official or other comes to town, only to realize that they're like everyone else. Boring. Do you know if Ty Lee's circus comes to the Earth Kingdom? I need her peppyness. I never thought I would ever say that. I guess this city is driving me crazy. Please, tell me when you'll be visiting! I'll be counting down the days- it's the only thing to do here._

_Agni be with you,_

_Mai_

Great. My royal tailor has just told me that I need to go to another fitting for outfit number four. At least she knocked.


	7. Chapter 7: Ty Lee and Festival Drinks

I could have slept for two days straight after that festival. However, I was up in time for sunrise. I regretted it an hour later and went back to sleep.

I suppose I'll start with the festival itself. The rest is just monotonous. I was first presented with a bit of a hyperactive surprise, as Ty Lee took a vacation from her circus and came to the festival to watch the performances (she would have loved to be in them herself, but it took all her nobility and friendship with me just to be there in the first place). Of course, my performance was rather dazzling (and possibly deadly for anyone daring to come too close), and Ty Lee has been incessantly pestering me about the blue fire ever since.

The other acts were the usual trapeze, firebending, dangerous animal sort of performances- nothing really unusual. I persuaded Ty Lee to abandon the festivities outside to go to the more peaceful ones inside, only to find that they weren't calm at all. I did learn a valuable lesson that night, however- they don't serve tea at our fine Fire Nation festivals.

At around mid-night, a slightly tipsy me was guiding, though you also might say dragging, a staggering and completely drunk Ty Lee back to my wing of the Palace. Tossing her into my guest room's bed, I stumbled back into my own room and fell deep into slumber, leaving the vomit in the corridor to the maids. Ty Lee's. Not mine. And so passed another wonderful New Year's festival.

Ty Lee, now sufficiently sober, has been staying at the palace with me for the past few days. It reminds me of our days at the Academy- she couldn't shut up then, either. She talks relentlessly about the circus and the "cute" boys who come see her perform, from what I gathered. Fortunately I tend to tune her out the large majority of the time.

Father denied me an audience for the first time since the Song Sho crisis. I will admit that I am worried. His excuse is that he is busy with the attack on the North Pole, and that I should spend time with Ty Lee. I know him better than that, though.

He is trying to avoid me, and why he is still escapes me, much to my frustration. The North Pole attack is too late in the stages for him to be planning, as Zhao's navy force intends to attack in three days. And he hopefully understands the frustration involving too much of Ty Lee. I am wondering how the refurbishment of my ship plays a role in this- he obviously wants me to go somewhere, but where, when, and why?


	8. Chapter 8: The Only Child

**A/N: AAH! I haven't updated since February! smacks head Well, I wrote this chapter a while ago, and I don't know why I haven't posted it, so here it is. I'm going to start writing the next chapter, although I'm at a bit of a writer's block, which is why I haven't updated. So, hope you enjoy it, and I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can!**

My brother is dead, but I am not sure if I believe it. His ship was sabotaged and detonated by a group of brigands a day after the New Year's festival. We received the news today. I wish I could, but I cannot underestimate Zuko. Though he will never reach my firebending ability, he does possess an impressive aptitude for the element, as royals do, which has undoubtedly improved in the past three years- even if only Uncle was there to teach him. He must certainly know some evasive maneuvers. He's not a complete idiot, though he's terribly gullible. Or was terribly gullible, I suppose. I can only hope that this means he's out of my father's way permanently, and I will become the official heir to the throne.

Meanwhile, Uncle has joined Admiral Zhao in his siege of the Northern Water Tribe, acting as his general. Hopefully this attack won't end in the same way as his siege of Ba Sing Se. Then again, it _would_ further taint Uncle's reputation.

Even here things are troubling. Father has made up a perfectly logical excuse for the refurbishing of my navy transport. He claims that he was informed of mold in the ship and needed to have it stripped and redone. It's an excruciatingly obvious lie and even I can see no reason for it. Nothing can be done, however, because even I cannot speak out against my father, even if it is about a trivial lie, and his councilors most likely wish to keep their heads firmly planted onto their body.

On another note, Ty Lee is leaving this afternoon. I am glad, although I don't doubt I'll feel differently when I am once again without company.

Oh, Agni. I know why my father prepared the ship.

My father wants me to capture the Avatar. Now that Zuko is dead and finding the Avatar isn't a wild turtle-duck chase, it is surely an important mission. Zhao will surely be on other assignments after he destroys the North Pole. Perhaps capturing Ba Sing Se, the site of my uncle's great defeat.

I am rather relieved I thought of it, although not quite as soon as I would have liked. Now I must simply await my father's summons- hopefully sometime in the next week or so.


	9. Chapter 9: On to Deception

The Navy was defeated at the North Pole, and it has been a shock at the palace. The fool Zhao is dead, Uncle openly betrayed us, and Zuko is alive- he too, a traitor.

And so my task is at hand. I am unsurprised, although pleased nevertheless, that my guess was correct- Father wished me to capture the Avatar. However, due to these new developments, I have two more bounties- Uncle and Zuko.

I do not expect it to be difficult- Father made the wise decision not to formally announce my traitorous relatives' new status, and the wanted posters have not been printed. Their whereabouts are as of yet unknown, as well as the Avatar's- he may still remain at the North Pole, which is disadvantageous for us.

I'll need an elite team of fighters- better than what Father can give me, considering my crew is most certainly going to be an overlarge amount of blithering idiots. I wouldn't consider elite soldiers- their uniform is terribly obvious and they aren't much use. I do not doubt that Zuko made that mistake.

I believe I will choose Ty Lee and Mai, actually. They have their flaws, but they do have unique abilities that I unfortunately do not possess. I have no doubt that their skills are better than I've ever seen them- Ty Lee obviously works full time at the circus, doing acrobatics, and Mai is so bored out of her mind in the Earth Kingdom she could probably shoot a dragon-moth from fifteen miles away without a problem. I can't help but laugh picturing Mai stuck in that hellhole.

However, I may not need them for Zuko and Uncle. My brother is without a doubt still hopelessly gullible- and I'm sure he'd much rather listen to me talk about his "honor" and the rest of his pathetic fantasies than to Uncle's traitorous motives. Of course, when I convince Zuko that I'm on his side, Uncle will be taken prisoner, as well as Zuko once we head for home again. Then on to the Avatar. I'll give him some time to leave the north pole.

And so we part, book. I am on to better things. I will prove my worth to my country, my father, and myself. I will succeed- I always do, don't I?

**A/N: Well, this fic is complete! And I'm sorry for not updating! That's my major pet peeve about fanfiction, and yet I do it! Ergh. So if I do make a sequel, or actually start writing that Harry Potter fanfic I've been planning, I'll try to make myself update often!! Then again, maybe I should just focus on not stopping in the middle of a chapter and going to get various edible distractions….wow. I didn't realize I had this much food at my desk…. Ookay then. I should stop rambling. Well, hope you enjoyed the fic, and now I'm off to write another! (Although on second thought, I should probably start my summer reading. Yeah, whatever…. Back to fanfiction….)**


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